TRUMP NOW CLAIMS THE EAGLES CHEATED TO WIN THE SUPER BOWL!

The White House Is Expected To Release Documents Today That Claim & Support The Theory That The Super Bowl Champion Philadelphia Eagles Possibly Cheated To Win The Big Game And Also Have Terrorist Ties!

After Accusing The Eagles Of Not Kneeling During NFL Games Last Season & Officially Uninviting Them To The White House Celebration On Tuesday, Trump & The White House Now Spout These Powerful Claims & Plan Heavy Legal Action!

Here Is Excerpt From The Draft Written By A Very Irate President Trump.

“They Cheated”!  We Don’t Know How But Look At Their Character! They Listen To Meek Mill Gangsta Rap Music!  They Cover Their Faces Like Terrorists, And Jason Kelce Has The Ability To Incite Gang Riots With His Ridiculous Angry Rants!

Can You Imagine Being The Poor Patriots, Who Are A League Model Of Perfect Behavior, Hearing That Gangsta Rap Music & Seeing These Terrifying Men Wearing Dog Masks & Screaming?

The Patriots Are Americas Team And Its A Shame They Had To Play Against These Dirty Filthy Animals!  Now I See Why The Philadelphia Eagles Have Never Won A Super Bowl!  Their A Sh*thole City That Breeds Filthy Animals!

There Will Be Investigations Into Terrorist Ties, Terrorist Cover Their Faces, The Eagles Wore Those Intimidating Evil Dog Masks Covering Their Faces Just Like A Terrorist Would!

We Wanna Know If Their Were Radios Under Those Masks & If They Were Beaming Satellite Signals Off Of Jeffrey Luries Forehead Back To Isis Or Al Qaeda?

Or If There Is Enough Ice In Al Qaeda Or Is Ice T In Al Qaeda? One Or The Other

We Wanna Know Why Fatboy Jason Kelce Is Dressed Like A Terrorist Flying Genie Inciting Gang Behavior Through Furious Al Qaeda Like Rants?

We Wanna Know What Was Under That Turban? He Could’ve Been Doing Anything Under That Turban, Making Bombs Or Even Worse Making Jiffy Pop!  We Wanna Know How This Unlikely Underdog Team Rigged The Super Bowl?

To Make Sure There Has Been No Collusion With Outside Russian Entities, A Special Committee Has Been Formed Which Will Be Headed By My Son Eric.

The FBI & Myself Will Create A Special Twitter Account And To Make Sure It’s Authoritative & Taken Seriously, We Will Give It The Hashtag #ericjr

Were Prepared To Go Directly To Philadelphia & If We Have To, We Will Take Those Rings Right Off Of Those Sons Of B*tches Filthy Little Cheating Terrorist Fingers!

A Source Says We Don’t Know When The White House Plans To Unofficially But Officially Release This Statement But President Trump Did Have This To Say.

“We Will Find Out Just How The Eagles Cheated The Patriots, Who By The Way Are A Bunch Of Wonderful Human Beings, And  Handsome , Especially Tom Brady.

If He Wasn’t Married He Could Totally Bigly Date My Daughter!  By The Way Isn’t My Daughter Ivanka Totally Bigly Beautiful?  If She Wasn’t My Daughter I Would Totally Date Her”!  Bigly”! Totally ….. Totally Bigly”!

Abe Finklestein

Sports News & Humor