TIM TEBOW: HE WILL SAVE US ALL! P.S ( NO HE WONT )

Abe Finklestein | April 21, 2015 | Sports Humour | No Comments

NOW THAT TIM TEBOW IS OFFICIALLY A MEMBER OF THE PHILA EAGLES HERE’S AN OPENING DAY SCENARIO THAT ACTUALLY COULD HAPPEN!

I can see it now. Sam Bradford goes back to pass, slips on the white paint that outlines the Eagles Logo at the 50 yard line and boom, his knee disintegrates and he’s done for the year. All the Kings horses and all the Kings men couldn’t put Bradford’s knee back together again.
Mark Sanchez comes in. Being the gifted intellect he is, he yells UH – DUH and the ball goes flying past his head. Sanchez can’t see a thing. He realizes too late that his helmet is on backwards. By the time he puts his helmet on correctly, Jason Pierre Paul assassinates his rib cage ending his season. He then takes his rightful place on the bench next to Sam Bradford aka kneeless Sam.

The clouds part, the sky lights up, rain turns to wine and what appears to be the cross is seen in the sun and revealed to be a huge letter T. Enter Tim Tebow. With the game on the line he cooly walks to the line and stands behind the center. He yells HICK and takes the ball. He looks left, right and left again. Spots a man down field. The pressure is on his as two 300 pd. linemen barrel down on him. He alludes the pressure and hurls the football down field. He has an open WR 50 yards down field. The ball travels 45 yards into the arms of the other team’s CB The ball is picked off and the defense runs out of bounda ending the game leaving Eagles Fans crying like a baby.

The moral of the story is Tim Tebow can’t throw. What the hell did you think would happen? He goes to church but he’s not Jesus. He stinks. The Eagles miss the playoffs and Tebow’s Pastor doesn’t allow his behind through the church doors again. He pays his tithes through the mail slot and hangs his head walking back to his car.
Chip Kelly is overheard saying “Is Notre dame hiring.”