THE SIXERS ANNOUNCE PLANS TO HOST FUNERALS AT THEIR GAMES! CAUSE IT’S THAT BAD!

THE SIXERS HAVE DECIDED TO TAKE THE ROUTE OF THE People who make The Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. That is they decided to take two great things and put them together in the same package! Well in this case its not two great things but rather two bad things, such as The Sixers & Death!

And why not? The timing couldn’t be better! After years of tanking out and not winning & competing in The Playoffs much less The Championship, a Funeral like atmosphere has began to take over & permeate deep within The Walls of The Wachovia Center and within The Heart of The Fan i mean Fans.

Soooooo the inevitable happened, someone in The Front Office undoubtably said “hey since were doing so bad we might as well throw Funerals at The Game”!

So with that being said The Sixers Officially Announced “THE SIXERS FAMILY FUNERAL FUN PACKAGE”!

Which includes: Four Tix, Four Hotdogs, Four Sodas, A Box of Kleenex, Paper Fans, An Usher, A Nurse and a chance to take Selfies with The Casket.

At first the decision was to have The Funerals at Halftime but after careful consideration it was decided that having Funerals during The Game would definitely make The Sixers more exciting and lets face it, it’s so bad right about now that The Fan,  I mean The Fans would welcome and embrace any change!

All Caskets will be closed for fear that the dead person might actually pop up and say “man this is wacked! How you gonna have my Funeral at a Sixers Game”? “and yall couldve at least waited til halftime”!

We know that there will be some people opposed to this idea so we asked Sixers Head Coach Brett Brown how he felt about the fact that some people might not feel good about a Funeral at a Sixers Game and actually come to The Game just to protest.

His immediate response was:

YALL BETTER NOT COME TO MY FUNERAL WIT DAT BULLSH*T”!(Somewhere Drake is smiling)

Abe Finklestein
Sports Humour