ISLAMIC MAN ARRESTED AT “PENN RELAYS” FOR TAKING A TERRORISTIC DUMP!

27 YR. OLD MAJEEN ABDULLAH AKBOR WAS ARRESTED AND CHARGED WITH The felonious act of releasing a deadly agent of noxious and natural gas. That is the gas from his backside as witnesses on the scene say he took a dump so horrible that he cleared out not only the bathrooms but the foregrounds and the ” Penn Relay” proceedings as well!

“We see this every year, some guy or gal comes hear and eats too much! Gets too greedy and wants to sample the food from every truck, then they wanna start jumping around cause they’re excited”!

Said Joe Mahoney the Event Coordinator ” I knew something was up with this guy right from the go, when i saw him eating a beef gyro, and a slice pizza with chilli and cheese fries at the same time! Plus he washed it all down with a cream cheese yogurt & banana protein shake”!

“Then he got all excited and started jumping up & down & cheering loudly for his favorite athlete that was competing on the field, then about 15 minutes later he moaned loudly and reached for his stomach! And that’s when Mr. Akbor made his way to the bathroom and proceeded to deliver a 20 minute special”!

University of Penn students on the scene say he took a dump so bad that they thought they were under chemical attack and immediately alerted local authorities who in turn b*tched up and called in The Swat Team.

Who upon arriving engaged in a dramatic 2 hour standoff with Majeen! Not for the usual tactical reasons, but more like,  they were waiting for the smell of that dump he took to die down!

Eventually The Swat Team tackled Majeen hosed him down, sprayed a can of lysol up his butt, slapped an adult diaper on him and hauled his azz of to jail!

As of Press time The F.B.I has been called in to figure whether or not this was A Terroristic Dump! Or A Dump of Terrorism.

Abe Finklestein
Sports Humour