CHASE UTLEY RUNS TO THE DODGERS!

YES HE’S GONE! This is not a joke! One of Phila’s Most Beloved Players has now left for Greener Pastures. And even though we’re gonna miss him, we will waste no time at all doing what we do best! Below are five Comical reasons on why he ultimately had to leave and also a letter from his biggest fan. Enjoy!

ESPN CHASE UTLEY TRADE DETAILS

1 – After The games are over all of the hot sexy girls run to chase, leaving just the stank skolly wags & only the bare pickings for his teammates. They were gettin sick of that, He had to go

2 – His Teeth ars so perfectly white that they reflect sunlight, which in turn leads to blinding the players on the field,  causing unnecessary errors allowing the other team to keep the inning alive.

3 – The Mousse! All That Gotd*mn Mousse!

4 – Los Angeles doesn’t mind players that can no longer play. Because The fans usually show up around the third inning and stay only if their team is winning.

5 – The LA heat is much better for his degenerative knees

5a – I’ll just be honest. He’s gotten older and it simply time to make room for the younger players

Here’s a letter to Chase from his biggest fan:

Dear Chase, I feel like I can call you Chase because you and me are so alike. I’d like to meet you one day, it would be great to have a catch. I know I can’t throw as fast as you but I think you’d be impressed with my speed. I love your hair, you run fast. Did you have a good relationship with your father?

Me neither. These are all things we can talk about and more. I know you have not been getting my letters because I know you would write back if you did. I hope you write back this time, and we can become good friends. I am sure our relationship would be a real homerun! Signed Mack From:

It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia

Woh! Sounds just a tad Physco & Creepy there! Well anyway, goodbye Chase, Philadelphia is gonna miss you very much! And In closing I will just say this, if you think about it, its kind of fitting that a Guy named Chase would run to a Team that calls themselves The Dodgers!

Adayus Knight
Sports Humour