BREAKING NEWS: SYLVESTER STALLONE GETS BEAT UP BY EAGLES FANS!

(UNASSOCIATED PRESS) HOLLYWOOD MEGA STAR & BELOVED PHILA. ICON SYLVESTER STALLONE REPORTEDLY TOOK A ROCKY LIKE AZZ WHOOPIN! That would make Rambo Blush & The Expendables cry! Sources close to the incident say it all took place at Geno’s Steak shop where Rocky was giving out Autographs and giving the Eagles fans a bunch of rah rah cheerleader type of quotes where he basically kept saying the same type of repetitive rah- rah we’re going to win & keep your head up cause we are champions and champions never quit type of lines.

This was cool at first but after about 15 minutes of the same repetitive stupid lines, an already frustrated Eagles fan base decided they couldn’t take anymore and when Sylvester Stallone tried to get everybody to stand up and do the nay nay it was just too much in the end they all did the Stanky leg on Sylvesters Head! Sources report that he was beat with Cheesesteaks, Hoagies & Soft Pretzels, which are never soft cause their from Philly and nothing is allowed to be soft in Philly except for Michael Nutter & Cream Cheese.

An unidentified Genos employee was qouted as saying “Rocky got beat like Donald Trump at a Mexican Motorcycle Gang Convention”! Another employee said that the beating was so viscious that at one point he thought he was back in the Movie Rocky &  starting screaming ” Adrian”! “Adrian”!

Apollo Creeds (Carl Weathers) nephew or grandson whose name we dont know and were not gonna google it cause he’s not important to this report and the one movie he was in, flopped, was there with SLY and he said ” man i told him not to do the Movie Creed and i told him not to come down here wit dat rah rah cheerleader crap and bother these fans but he aint listen, so i just let it happen, by the way Creed is coming out soon yall”

Philly is known Historically for these types of Azz Whoopins! Da Fog Bowl, Buddys Bounties, a couple of Refs ,Santa Claus & now Sylvester Rocky Stallone! Wow such a proud history. Keep up da good work!

Were told Rocky was taken to Jefferson Hospital where he was forced to sit in the waiting room while they attended to a Dallas Cowboys fan. Ouch!

Abe Finklestein
Sports Humour