BREAKING NEWS: DERRICK ROSE INJURES HIS FEELINGS!
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(UNASSOCIATED PRESS) Derrick Rose might miss the entire upcoming season do to hurt feelings. His pride took a hit last week when he was once again injured on the court. He fractured his orbital bone on day-one of practice. The injury itself is expected to cost him only 2 weeks of basketball, but this is Derrick Rose. After the injury he could be heard in the locker room sobbing, because The eye injury affected his ability to shed actual tears.
( Yes Folks! Before You Go Any Further, Please Know That This Is A Sarcastic Rant)
Derrick Rose was overheard saying, “When Derrick Rose gets hurt Derrick Rose don’t miss 2 weeks, Derrick Rose misses the entire eseason”. Derrick has a history for getting injured & it goes without saying that he needs to get healthy. And now that he’s injured his Orbital bone, it goes without saying that Derrick Rose now also needs to find a Nick Fury eye patch.
As a matter of fact I’m googling Gucci right now! Or whoever the h*ll makes eye patches. Ok readers, I know there might be some of you that think I might be coming at this man too hard. But face it readers this is Derrick Rose were talking about here! This guy could basically clip his finger nails, then see the ring finger was clipped shorter than the middle and pinky finger & miss three games while they regrow because the uneven nails are unsettling and may affect his dribble.
Or if his coach doesn’t say good morning first, Rose won’t say it back and he’ll feel disrespected by his coach and miss a week of basketball sighting the rift between he and his coach altered his jumper and will cost him money in free agency in two years so he needs time off to think about his next move. Word is the Derick auditioned to be the spokesman for Charmin toilet paper but lost out to the bear. And to be honest Derrick Rose already thinks he’s “The Sh*t”!
A Charmin spokesperson said, “Although Derrick has a good following, he is too soft for our paper, We don’t rip that easy and to be honest Derrick Rose already thinks he’s The “Sh*t”! I can see Rose now. A cast on his ring finger and a band-aid over his eye while tears roll down his feeling-torn cheeks.
He lies on the beach, which is fitting since he’s now a “shell” of himself. (waa-waa) Shakespeare once said, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” And Derrick Rose by any other name would still pull and eye muscle reading this article and miss his retirement speech because he’s back on the IR.
The Chicago Bulls need to start growing a begonia bush because the last rose left in Chicago is withering away. At least Chicago has the Cubs, who……..
Editor’s note: at this point Adayus Knight went in so hard that we had to Censor him! All we can say is R.I.P to Derrick Rose’s feelings. And trust me y’all missed out on a killer Florida Evans/Good Times/Chicago Blackhawks reference! This article will now end with Adayus Knight attempting to say something nice about Derrick Rose.
Best of luck Derrick, even though it’s probably your ultimate goal to end up looking like the guy in the pix above, so you can be placed on the Platinum injured reserve list, right beside injured royalty elites such as Yao Ming & RG-3! So I wish the Best of luck to you Derrick, and hey maybe when your eye heals you can read this article since you’ll have plenty of time on your hands as you wait for your next injury to occur. Go Bulls!Adayus Knight
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