BILL BELICHICK: CHIP KELLY CHEATED! HE DEFLATED ALL OUR BALLS!

WOW! TALK ABOUT A SORE LOSER! New England Patriots Head Coach Bill Belichick is claiming That Chip Kelly and The Philadelphia Eagles Deflated all The balls on their sidelines. This comes, of course, on the heels of Sunday’s embarrassing 35-28 loss to The Phila. ( we still haven’t got our sh** together) Eagles.

Bill Belichick has since went on to say that his team didn’t play good enough to win. We’ll we say Horsepoop! That’s the nice crap you say to The Press so you can be seen as calm and professional, but we all know that’s not how he really feels. So we sent one of our spies to that Press Conference and this is what Bill Belichick really said.

But before we quote that were just gonna run this lil disclaimer right here.
WE ARE NOT LIABLE FOR ANYTHING OUR SPY SAYS! HE HAS A KNOWN CRACK ADDICTION & WILL SAY & DO ANYTHING TO GET THAT NEXT HIT! But other than that he’s a perfectly reliable reporter and a trusted source within our organization. So yea you can trust him & us.  P.s ( no u cant) but we have to say that kind of nice crap so we can be seen as calm & professional.

Belichick: ” D**mit! I don’t know how the hell we lost to The Gotdang Eagles! A team that’s more confused than Caitlyn Jenner’s Gynecologist! A team that’s more Disappointing than a M. Night Shalamayn Movie Marathon on ABC”! Look! There’s no way they can beat us! No Freakin way Jose”!

When asked who the hell is Jose? And if there’s no way The Pats can lose to The Eagles, then um.. How in da hell did they lose to The Eagles?! Belichick’s response was this.

“They Deflated Our Balls”! That’s all i can say”!

Coach Belichick never elaborated if he was talking about The Balls you throw on The Football Field or The Little Balls in their Football Pants. But honestly after Sunday’s embarrasing loss to The sometimey Eagles, were willing to bet it’s The Little Balls in their Football Pants.

Abe Finklestein

Sports Humour