SEPTA UNVEILS THE NEW CARSON WENTZ TRAIN!

IT’S OFFICIAL! THE BANDWAGON, I MEAN… UM… THE TRAIN HAS ARRIVED! SEPTA OFFICIALS Announced The Official Carson Wentz Train is Now Up & Running! Much like The Philadelphia Fan Base is when it comes down to their Hot Rookie Q.B Carson “The Ice Man” Wentz.

After The Chip Kelly Fiasco, Fans were pretty much set ( and still are ) for a slight rebuilding phase. But the injection of this Unbelievably Poised Rookie into an Offense that could be reasonably described as capable and good enough, has got These Phila. Eagles Fans Pumped! And rightfully so!

So for Septa, it was a no brainer ” Here’s a Train that Everybody Wants to Ride”! Said Septa G.M John Lazo Dumbrowski “You know it’s kinda Funny, We Unveiled This Same Train 3 weeks ago and nobody cared, but after Monday Nights Victory in Chicago, it’s like maaan now everybody and they Momma wanna Ride on this Train! We Practically had to shut down 30th ST. Station!

Septa also decided after a long meeting that they would pay for the New C.W Train by once again raising the fare. The Train is Decorated Eagles Green inside and has pictures of Carson Wentz everywhere.

Also there are autographed Carson Wentz Peanuts scattered all over The C.W Train So if you’re a Dedicated enough Carson Wentz Fan, you can actually put Carson Wentz’s Nuts in your mouth!

Peanuts that is! Get your mind out The Gutter! And speaking of Gutters, the Windows on The C.W Train actually open, so at any given moment ( like when Carson throws his 1st Int. ) The Passengers can Jump off The Bandwagon!…. I mean… Um… Train.

Btw–I know Gutters is not a good Segway to Windows,……. but d**mit i had to Segway somehow!

Abe Finklestein
Sports Humour