5 SURE-FIRE WAYS TO INTIMIDATE YOUR SONS LITTLE LEAGUE COACH!

LETS GET STRAIGHT DOWN TO IT! WE ALL KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO WATCH Your Child Athlete getting screwed over by their lil league coach. Countless times we’ve seen our child on the sidelines,  while valuable playing time was given to another kid just because their parents have money or they’re a big deal in town or…….. They were probably just better than your kid.

But so what! You drove to the game and you wanna see your kid play and you’re tired of getting screwed! So I came up with a list that will undoubtedly will help you get your kid off the bench and back into the game! And here it is….

5 SURE-FIRE WAYS TO INTIMIDATE YOUR SONS LITTLE LEAGUE COACH!

NO. 1 – Stand By The Gate & Look Creepy: This works! Especially if you just blank stare at The Coach! Remember to throw a little nervous tic type of wink movement in there every now & then but mainly just stare at The Coach.

NO. 2 – Bring A Bullhorn To The Game: And keep yelling in The Coaches direction ” that’s my son”! “that’s my son”! This works even better if you sit amongst a group of rowdy teenagers that know all the lyrics to every Young Thug song ever made!

NO. 3 – Pull The Woman Card: Yes! Tell the coach you’re a hardworking woman that’s a Proud Mother of a Child Athlete! Scream, Curse, Fuss & generally say & do whatever you want! Why? Cause you’re a Woman and Women have been getting away with this for years & it always works! Note: if that doesn’t work start crying. Why? Cause Women have been getting away with this for years too,  and it never fails.

NO. 4 – Wear A 3 Piece Suit & Carry A Bat: This for some reason always works, it gives the illusion that you’re going to whip someone’s azz but you’re going to do it in the most Business Like Fashion! The Key here is to walk back and forth then hit the ground with the bat! Curse & look in The Coaches direction! Also a little bit of incoherent mumbling doesn’t hurt either. Don’t be afraid to use the bat either, but please know this,  if you end up in jail just remember……………. its all for your Child!

NO. 5 – Dress Like The Black Panthers: This is a fairly new tactic and its based on Beyoncé Super Bowl Law: The Key here is to create so much Controversy that people actually forget about The Actual Game, or why they even came in The First Place! This one right here! Never fails!

So There it is folks, your kids will be back in The Game in no time if you follow these tips! Please feel free to try them they actually work!  Feel free to Thank me later.  -Btw- I don’t accept calls from jail.

Abe Finklestein
Sports Humour