5 HOLY REASONS WHY POPE FRANCIS SHOULD BLESS THE EAGLES SIDELINES

UNLESS YOU’VE BEEN HIDING UNDER A ROCK FOR THE PAST WEEK, THEN YOU, ME & EVERYBODY IN THEIR MOMMA KNOWS THAT POPE FRANCIS, The PONTIFF, The PAPAL, The Holy Man From The Vatican is in Philadelphia to visit & hopefully bless The City.

Well Cool Beans! Because among other problems in The City that The Pope might address and Pray for, we’re sure as h*ll hoping that the Ailing Phila Eagles is definitely one of them. As a matter fact we believe that The Pope should not only bless The Eagles but he should totally go all out, in his Popeness and just follow The Eagles to N.Y and Bless their sidelines by standing on it!

Yes during the game! The Pope, Wearing an Eagles Jersey & sipping on Gatorade, because let’s face it Chip Kelly & The Birds could use it. In fact we put together a list of just how much The Popes Holy Presence on The Eagles Sidelines would help, and here it is.

But first: we know none of these reasons are Holy but Doggone it! We needed a catchy headline. Also, is it just us or doesn’t Kiko Alonso’s name sound like a Stripper from Atlanta?

1. Chip Kelly & The Eagles confidence: It has to be a little on the low side following two disappointing early season losses, but wit Pope Francis on The Sidelines every time The Eagles get down or start to mess up they will look to Pope Francis and suddenly they will “Believe”! (as if their million dollar contracts weren’t enough to make them believe)

2. The Offensive Line needs a Miracle: Chip Kelly hasn’t fixed it, Eagles fans screaming at the TV won’t fix it, but The Blessings of Pope Francis would definitely give The O line the spark and Miracle it most definitely needs. And besides if Allen Barbre & Andrew Gardner go on to effectively replace Evan Mathis & Todd Herremans, it will be a Miracle!

3.Sam Bradford’s Knees & Cody Parkeys Groin: yes! The Pope could lay his hands on Bradfords Knees and heal them, and Yes! The Pope could lay his hands on Cody Parkeys Groin and…… You know what? In retrospect maybe that might not be such a good idea.

4. The Non Existent Running Game: If Pope Francis took all The Eagles offense, sat them down & read to them that I part of the Scripture that says “Resist Temptation & Flee from The Devil” as in Resist The Temptation to throw the ball every single play and when you do Run The Ball, Flee for The Endzone! For Demarco Murray the part about Fleeing from The Devil shouldn’t be hard for him, seeing as though he just left Jerry Jones & The Dallas Cowboys.

5. The Safety Factor: If The Eagles lose this game upon returning to Philly their safety just might be in Jeopardy! Eagles Fans would know that there season is practically over and would want blood! And please know that when a Philadelphian makes up their mind to Whoop your Azz, then that Azz is pretty much gonna get Whooped! But if anything could save you it would be The Blessings of The Pope.

Or a Gun or a Bat or a Stick or…….. Boy The Eagles better not lose this Sunday, cause if they do, even though The Pope Blessed them & only God can Judge them, The Philadelphia Fans will most certainly Crucify Them!

Abefinklestein
Sports Humour