THIS IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF CHIP KELLYS MASTER PLAN DOESN’T WORK!

IN LIGHT OF ALL THE CONTROVERSIAL OFFSEASON MOVES, UNPRECEDENTED CUTS & RELEASING OF KEY PLAYERS IN PHILA Under The Guidance of Head Coach and Director of Player Personnel Chip Kelly, it seems as though everyone is forgetting one thing, and that is, what will happen in Phila if Chip Kelly’s Master Plan doesn’t work?

Well I’ll tell ya what will happen but before we get into that, let’s talk about Chip Kelly, The Man who put The Phila Eagles back on the winning track with his Super High Octane Unpredictable Offense. He’s been referred to as a Genius and a Brilliant Trendsetting Coach, ok? Did y’all get all that? I want you to remember all that stuff because guess what, if the Eagles start losing consistently, all that stuff won’t mean Diddly Sqaut!

Phila Eagles Fans and The Media are very Passionate & Outspoken, things are going well now ( at least seemingly ) so the rumblings are small & few but if they start losing, were pretty sure things will start to unravel and the following scenario will probably incur.

It’s Mid October and The Birds have lost 3 in a row, Chip refuses to switch his style up, there is in house arguing amongst the Players in staff, Chip cuts another Key Player for little or no reason at all and ” BAMM” there you have it, The Nucleus for Destruction officially begins! The Media has a Field Day, with the likes of 610 WIP’S Morning Personality Angelo Cataldi starting ” The Chip Kelly’s an idiot” Bandwagon rolling forward!

97.5 The Fanatic’s Mike Missanelli, another On Air Personality will strengthen this Sentiment by declaring that Phila Eagles Fans Celebrated to early for Chip Kelly and The Jury’s is out and it’s obvious that this Former College Coach is a bit Overwhelmed by The NFL. Sportscasting Legend Howard Eskin of FOX 29 will take the whole thing to a new level by pulling out a list of failed College to NFL Coaches and adding Chip Kelly’s name to it. Ouch!

The Fans, The Facebook & Twitter Sports Groups will lose their minds! Facebook will crash from all the ” Chip Kelly’s an idiot” Memes. Twitter will get hit with Massive “Chip Kelly’s an idiot” Tweets & Retweets, The Fans will divide into two classes, ” Chips an idiot” or “Chip we still believe!” This will lead to Social Media arguments where Grown Men & Women will Threaten to Beat each other up and refer to each other as losers , retards & idiots. Trust me I know, I’ve been called an idiot or retard several times. Philly Sports Groups are Rough!

This will lead to Fights at The Lincoln Stadium, re-enforcing the idea that Philly fans are Loose Cannons and can’t behave Civilly! They can’t but it doesn’t matter cause they will beat you up before you can even make that point. So they fight & fight & fight again & again. But wait! It gets worse! Let’s say something happens like, Starting QB Sam Bradford gets hurt and Lo and Behold somebody like Tim Tebow steps on that field. Uh oh!

An already Irritated & Frustrated Phila Eagles Fan Base gets more Irritated & Frustrated and that’s when ” The Pandemonium Starts!” Everybody starts fighting! Men , Women & Children. ( hey it’s philly baby! What’d you expect? ) that’s when Mayor Michael Nutter gets on The P.A system and in a Pathetic Attempt to try and be cool and hip says something like ” c’mon Philly chill wit all dat, can’t we all just get along? )

And that’s when that Perfectly Aimed Cup of Red Bell Beer Busts Mayor Mc’nutter Sqaure upside his head! That’s when Jeffrey ( I have 2 much forehead ) Lurie grabs The P.A Mic and says ” c’mon guys were Winners & Winners don’t fight and throw cups of Red Bell Beer, and that’s when a size 12 Timbaland Boot Busts Jeffrey in The Back of his Head. Things are beginning to get real serious!

Security is being overwhelmed at this point and in a moment of unplanned panic, some idiot in The Eagles Marketing Department decided that Donald Trump, who is at The game, would be The Perfect Person to calm down this unruly Phila crowd. Oh boy! Donald grabs that P.A Mic, looks around and then says. ” you People are a Bunch of Degenerate, Drug Addict Rapists & Murderers and none of you belong in This Country! And then…………….then that’s when the fire started!

Everybody got out safely except for Donald Trump, The National Gaurd, Fire Patrol and Swat was summoned in to make sure everything was ok. Chip Kelly resigns and leaves town and is replaced by Howie Roseman, no better yet, Duce Staley. Everyone is happy until the reality sets in that ” This is Duce Staley” Massive Suicides and Domestic Violence Cases go up in Philly!

Are you finished laughing? Cause when you’re finished laughing the reality of it all is ” This Could Totally Happen!” All of it! The fire, The Azz Whoopings, Mayor Mc Nut getting beer canned. All it would take is for The Phila Eagles to start losing consistently and Chip Kellys Master Plan would fall apart quicker than a Pair of Bootleg Jordan’s. On Hot Asphalt after running a 40 min + Full Court.

So in closing just remember if this happens, ya boy Abe Finklestein told you first. I said it, write it, print it, quote it & believe it! Cause I’m the Best Thing Going Today! Ayyyy Baby!

Abefinklestein
Sports Humour