Rucker’s Magical Theater: Where Gun Violence is Solved by Plays!

Rucker’s Magical Theater: Where Gun Violence is Solved by Plays!

© Ogbonna Paul Hagins for Philly Word Magazine and Freedmen’s Journal 2.0

 

Step right up, ladies and gentlemen! You’re about to witness the greatest social experiment of our time—brought to you by none other than the visionary leader of… wait for it… absolutely nothing substantial!

 

Meet Douglas Rucker, the man who believes that a play—yes, a play—will single-handedly stop gun violence in East Germantown. Forget policy. Forget structural change. Forget economic investment. Nah, we just need a little Broadway magic to fix our problems!

 

It’s simple, folks. According to Rucker’s logic, all these young men caught in a system of structural racism, economic deprivation, and state-sanctioned redlining will take one look at a stage performance and say, “Damn, I never thought about it like that. Let me just put my Glock down and go apply for a job at a place that doesn’t hire American Freedmen!”

 

Genius, right?

 

But wait—there’s more! While I’m out here pushing for the Structural Racism Bill 2024, trying to get actual legislative solutions passed, Rucker couldn’t even be bothered to read it. Nah, that’s too much work. Instead, he’s too busy rearranging chairs in his probably code-violating office, dreaming about the day when someone will finally give him the money he needs for his programs that are still underfunded and struggling to take off.

 

Oh, and let’s not forget the Chew and Chelten CDC, the organization that has been around since 2019 and somehow has managed to accomplish… what exactly? A few food drives? Some cleaning projects? Meanwhile, the community is still struggling, and the only thing that’s actually risen in the past five years is the number of vacant buildings.

 

And yet, Rucker wants to critique me? He wants to attack the Philadelphia Reparations Coalition for American Freedmen—the only group actually working to bring real change? That’s rich.

 

So, the next time you hear about Douglas Rucker’s groundbreaking (read: nonexistent) achievements, just remember—this is the man who thinks off-Broadway productions will save the hood.

 

If ignorance had a theater company, Douglas Rucker would be the director, lead actor, and stagehand.

 

Curtain closed.