ABE FINKLESTEIN’S FANTASY SPORTS FIGHTS: BATTLE NO. 3 THE DETROIT LIONS vs REAL WILD AFRICAN LIONS

OK READERS IT’S TIME FOR ANOTHER Installment of AFFSF’S and this time were even more goofier than before. Let’s get straight down to it this fight has America’s favorite losing franchise The Detroit Lions facing 100% cock diesel strong azz real African Lions. The Detroit Lions fly to Africa via The Luxurious African Airlines known as Air Kunta Kinte’ and are promptly met at the African Airport by none other than Nelson & Winnie Mandela who quickly escort them to Classic black 1980’s Mercedes Benz limousine ‘s because let’s face it in every movie about Africa you see there’s always 1980’s Black Mercedes Benz limousine ‘s ( never the up to date one’s ) and of course that strong proud African music has to play ( you know with the horns and all that African drum pride stuff that makes everybody feel inferior and for that one moment you wanna be African even if you’re African American ) yea that music.

The Limousines arrives at an old gladiator style coliseum ( which makes no sense cause they don’t have this in Africa and never did ) but anyway the Detroit Lions get out and start to look around and one of them screams out ” yo man I don’t think this crap gonna work ! I mean who da f#*k thought of this dumb promotion! We gonna die!

Nelson & Winnie step away and The real Lions are released and they head immediately for The hapless, hopeless, every word that ends in less Detroit Lions who immediately run for their lives, but the Lions catch right up cause let’s face it who the hell can outrun a Wild African Lion and as they pounce In for the kill The Detroit Lions Sacrifice their punt kicker just because he’s the punt kicker and punt kicker’s are replaceable , don’t believe us then name 5 punt kickers in The NFL….. We thought so. ( on second thought this is a sports related page so quite a few of you probably can actually name 5 punt kickers so in retrospect I guess that wasn’t a good point ) but who cares he got ripped to punt kicker shreds and the plan worked as the real African Lions stopped to feast on the punt kicker.

The other Detroit Lions kept running only to realize that they were trapped by The Colliseum walls so they turned around to face their impending doom. But wait! What’s happening The Lions Are now heaving , convulsing and throwing up they begin to spaz out shake and die. The Detroit Lions are confused until Simba The Talking Lion from Disney Movie fame  ( The Lion King ) calmly walks up and explains that because The Detroit Lions suck so bad they actually taste bad as well and the stench of their performance is so bad that it somehow seeped into the pores of their skin thus causing said Lions to vomit and die. Yay said The Detroit Lions we still get to suck at The Thanksgiving Day game like we do every year!  And the winner is….. the Detroit Lions

abefinklestein

sports humour